Finding time to read and figure out what I’m actually supposed to be doing is causing me to shift my habits. Or at least, try. I’m slightly nervous that this will become all-consuming. How will I get everything else done? But it feels good to pick up a book rather than my phone, again. So, in the spirit of celebrating the small wins, here’s to that!

As part of the induction process, we were given 5 minutes to draw our thesis….

It was only when I arrived for my first day today that I realised the beauty of the date. Honestly, I couldn’t have planned it better if I’d tried! My numbers, in the best order.

Induction day was a lot. It blows my mind to think what we, as a brand new cohort, are collectively trying to achieve. I have no doubt that imposter syndrome will hit me as soon as I have any mental space from regulations, training schedules, technical terms, logins, and overall expectations. I’ll come up to breathe some time over the next couple of weeks.

The team introducing us today did a very good job of describing the roller coaster we have boarded, how messy and inconsequential it will likely all feel on the way, and how, when we finally finish, no one will really get it. But yet, here we are.

It feels good to be in this space with these people and all the yet-to-know ahead of us. It might be bumpy, but I’m proud and privileged to be on this rollercoaster, and I plan to hang in there until the end if at all possible. Any good wishes welcome!!

So, it turns out the interview went every bit as well as I’d hoped. In November, I celebrated being offered a place on the programme. In December, I panicked about the same, and here in the dregs of January, I nervously but excitedly anticipate my induction next week.

The first few weeks looked reassuringly packed with intro sessions such as where to get started, academic writing, and planning skills development. Last week, I spent a day working from the campus, just to start soaking up the feel of being there regularly. And, if I’m honest, trying to grapple with feeling completely out of place and figuring out how exactly how to answer any questions about what I’m doing here. I figure that if I can wash out some early imposter vibes now, then come next month, I won’t feel so, well, obviously ‘new’.

Eight years is a long time. I’m already awash with thoughts on the subject that I suspect should be coming rather later on, being built on stronger foundations that I have now. I need to understand what the flow is, what ‘part time’ actually means, what good looks like in the coming months, and find a way to roll with it.

My inclination sometimes is to hide from what needs doing until it’s urgent, and then rush to get it done. I know that won’t work here, and I’m here for it. New season, and all that!

I was an awful lot more nervous than I expected for my interview, which happened last week. It has been a while since I felt like that. Up early, wrangling with using slide or not (I didn’t).

My biggest source of anxiety was simply not feeling academic enough. I guess that’s something that I’ll need to deal with if I’m recommended to join the programme, but agh! It feels so uncomfortable.

Fortunately, I feel loved, by this little one and other significant VIPs. What does it really matter if I haven’t got long, convoluted words available at the tip of my tongue?

I don’t know yet if the interview was successful, but I had a good feeling about it – so here’s hoping!

I heard back about my proposal on Friday. Apparently, I am a strong candidate, and it is a good proposal. Phew!

I’ve been reflecting today, whilst listening to a podcast from Brian McLaren, about how useful or not this investment in research might ultimately be. My fear is that the problem of housing and, essentially, poverty, is so complex that it might not ever really shift until it’s too late. With the reality of climate change and war that is so, so visible right now, who might actually live in any homes that might ultimately be created as a result?

This is a deep worry that I want to grapple with. It risks wobbling me, so I need to know what I think about it in advance of any crisis I might experience.

Something hit me today, that feels like a deep truth. Small acts of love might be the things that keep us human in the face of huge tragedy. This is what gives me hope and keeps my head up when what I’m hearing about in the news every day threatens to knock me over.

I realised today that this is what may be one of the key drivers behind what I want to explore over these coming 7 years or so. How can the (relatively) small acts of love that faith driven communities wish to undertake by acting in the space of housing development, and fighting for affordability, keep us from the despair that the reality of the systems that drive housing can bring? That’s an overly long question, I know. And I need to work on that. But I think I’ve spotted something important for me here.

Maybe it’s something I’ll reflect on more. I’m sure it will be. And this research, should I get the opportunity to do it in this way, will most certainly be a small act of love from me.

Last week, I sent over my application and research proposal to the university. A vulnerable act in itself. Honestly, I already feel like I have no idea what I’m doing or if I put together something that looks anything like a ‘proper’ proposal. So I was glad to see an email from the Professor pop up. But he wants to share it with his colleagues for discussion. My tummy turned! I wonder how badly wrong I may have got it.

That was a week ago and I still haven’t heard anything. I’m so open to reviewing what I’ve suggested but currently very nervous about being rejected before I’ve even started. I must happen. Why not to me? Eek.

I’ll keep you posted. Even if I’d rather hide under my bed instead.

Community organising

Faith

Affordable housing

Systems thinking

There’s got to be something good there, no? Maybe even great! And useful! And that hasn’t already been explored to death. This is now for me to establish. Starting this journey makes me tingle. This physical response tells me that this is a good thing. Something I should be investing in. Something that I am oh-so-grateful to have the opportunity to even consider.

Over 5 years, in fact. And I notice from checking out my last post that I referenced my North Star – a weird, unexpected reflection of the last couple of months spent resetting our, now 5 year old, business. Clearly, I’d been speaking to my coach about finding my North Star, and I’ve been reading Martha Becks’ book on the same over the summer. I’d forgotten about the conversation, but maybe it hit deeper than I thought.

Anyway, I came by because after finishing my MSc STiP and MSc Real Estate, I’ve been thinking about what to dive into next. Well, a thought has been lurking and threatening anyway. I’d been pushing it away since my social self thought more study would be too indulgent, too time-consuming, too academic. But here I am. Having met with a professor at the Open University discussing research options and planning to put an application in next week… Flip. 7 years!! I just be mad.

I’ll keep you posted.